MOTHER KNOWS BEST

Pregnancy has a way of making people introspective about the real treasures of life. When my husband and I discovered we were having a baby, we began to look back at our own childhood days and talked about the values we could pass on to our offspring.

It was when I truly realized how our parents especially my mother raised us well. Thing is, it was so hard to appreciate restraint while growing up. The scolding and occasional whipping for misbehaviors were very bitter pills to swallow.

Discipline was instilled through constant reminders, rules and routine. Everybody was expected to be present at meal times. There was no room for being picky or whiny because food was considered a blessing. Every piece of viand and grain of rice should be eaten. No left-overs.

A few hours after lunch was siesta time. No amount of tantrums and pleading convinced Mama to let us out of the door. She insisted on us taking a nap no matter how boring an alternative it was to the outdoor adventures of catching dragonflies or catfish under the summer sun. Forced to sleep, we had to pretend closing our eyes until we actually dozed off.

Faith was introduced through grace before and after meals and our daily prayer sessions. 6:00 pm was meant for praying the Angelus and rosary. It did not seem to matter if we were at the height of excitement running around with our teams in “patintero” and “taguan” or aiming for the target in “tumbang preso.” The moment Mama called for us, we had to drop everything much to the dismay of our playmates because the game was disrupted.

A good sense of responsibility was subliminally taught through the dignity of house chores. Everybody had an assignment after eating– one washed the dishes, the other wiped the table, another swept the floor and yet another fed the pets. There were also the regular duties of keeping the house spic and span especially during vacation. While our parents were away at work, our eldest sister took care of cleaning the kitchen and dining area, I took charge of the children’s bedroom, a sister maintained our parent’s bedroom, another cleaned the living room while our youngest and only brother waxed and scrubbed the staircase.

Adolescence made it more difficult to follow stringent rules. “No boyfriends until you finish college. Education is the only inheritance we could give you so take it seriously” was our parents’ favorite mantra. It was hard enough to suppress surging hormones at the sight of our crushes and even harder to turn down advances of prospective boyfriends who could have made high school life rosier. We had to be prim and proper while everybody else enjoyed flirting around with boys.

Looking back though, it was not that bad. Reducing Mama’s nagging at a few words per minute would have been much of a relief but other than that, there are so many good memories to cherish. Every morning, Mama lined up all of five of us for our bath. After changing into fresh clothes, we queued again to get our daily dose of Vitamin C – a spoonful of pure calamansi juice glazed with sugar. When the icecream vendor or taho man arrived, each of us had a cone of hokey pokey that tickled our sweet tooth or a glass of the hot syrupy soft tofu that warmed our little tummies.

After naps, Mama would troop us all to the big gardens of the nearby hospital for a stroll or to the veranda of our rich childless doctor-neighbor who was delighted to have us kids happily skipping around. Before bedtime, the older brood helped out with the younger siblings’ homework but each one fixed his / her own stuff in preparation for the next school day.

Sunday was special since it was reserved for God. It was also the time when Papa did not have to go to work during the day and be with his beer buddies in the evening. We went to Church as a family, wore our best dress, listened to mass and then enjoyed popcorn or other treats afterwards.

Yuletide was a season we kids looked forward to. Mama’s original versions of the Christmas tree were truly a feast for our eyes. One creation was made of crochet strings neatly pinned from the ceiling down to a table enclosing the Belen to highlight the Holy Family - the real stars of the occasion. Another masterpiece featured bathroom tissues turned into big colorful flowers gracing a cardboard cone. Even a dead shrub came alive with Mama’s magic - a brush of white paint and a splash of bright lights, balls, and candies did the trick. What made the holidays more meaningful was the tradition of cleaning up our closets and letting go of clothes and stuff we outgrew so we could share them to the least fortunate. Hoarding was out of the question. It was a sure-fire way of teaching young ones about compassion and letting go of materialism.

During Papa and Mama’s time, there weren’t much self-help books about parenting. Raising kids seemed to be more of a God-given instinct. What is more amazing is the fact that we survived without nannies and maids. Mama was a real super mom! She seemed to have perfected her balancing act as a career woman, wife and mother making sure we grew up healthy, independent and well-adjusted.

By God’s grace, nobody in the family turned out to be black a sheep. All of us have turned out well as law-abiding, God-fearing and hard working citizens of society. Seeing the “good by-products”, a colleague expressed how our mother raised us well. This never ceased to please Mama. All the sacrifices and guidance was all worth it. Come to think of it, education was not just the best thing our parents gave us. We inherited something more precious. They gave us positive values that help us weather the storms and enjoy the sunshine in life. Truly, these treasures bundled with loving guidance are far more worth passing on to our very own children and the generations to come.

MODERN MIRACLES

Ever since we got married, we wanted to have a baby. My biological clock was ticking and my husband, Rod, was concerned our time was running fast with my age. I was 38 when we tied the knot and it took 3 ½ years before we finally received the miracle of life through God’s grace.

Those 3 ½ years proved to be a trying waiting game for us. Aside from the adjustment period at the onset of our wedded life, parents, relatives and friends hounded us about having our bundle of joy before it was too late. One grandparent-to-be even blurted out, “there is no sense in living without a grandchild.” Talk about social pressure.

In desperation, we went through medical procedures. Our first OB Gynecologist recommended taking fertility pills called Chlomid. This was supposed to help me lay eggs and create a greater possibility to conceive. A few days into the medication, I began seeing streaks of light following people around and my eyes became too sensitive to brightness. Just looking a piece of white paper made me squint. Our doc said this was a rare allergic reaction and ordered me to stop taking the pills. Rod and I just decided to work around my fertility period but still to no avail.

After a year of failed attempts, we consulted another doctor. She was an OB Gyne-Sonologist who recommended follicle monitoring after she learned of my aversion to Chlomid. That meant, getting a transvaginal ultrasound to make sure I was ovulating. Only then would Rod and I do contact. An egg was fertilizing alright but my husband’s swimmers somehow missed it and I ended up having another menstrual period.

It was really so frustrating. Not to mention painful. Aside from the normal pelvic exam and PAP smear, my private part had to be poked to ensure I had no infection or blockage. My husband, on the other hand, had to release some semen without the benefit of the usual sex act just to make sure he had the right number of healthy sperms. It turned worse when we started accusing each other for failing to conceive. He picked on my busy schedule and I blamed it on his high blood sugar. Alas, it came to a point where we just gave up. Deep down though, I was so relieved. That meant I won’t have to go through the invasive procedures again. Besides, we did not exactly have the money to go through the expensive procedures anyway.

Apart from the scientific approaches, we also tried to follow advices of sorts no matter how silly they may have been. “Eat cashew nuts especially during your fertility period.” “Go to a hilot to correct whatever is wrong with your uterus.” “Put a pillow under your buttocks while making love. The higher the better.” Or “have your husband shake your legs upwards after having sex.” It is a wonder my neck did not break when we did all those crazy stuff.

Science and superstition did not seem to work for us. Just two years into the marriage, some well-meaning friends and relatives came up with more suggestions: adoption, artificial insemination and even cloning. I must have been too proud that I could not really get myself into thinking about raising another person’s child. Still, I tried so hard to fight the pride and asked God to open my heart to His will. If we had to adopt, Rod and I should embrace the idea with all our might.

Through it all, we constantly stormed the heavens with prayers. I asked the intercession of Our Mother of Perpetual Help and the help of the Intercessory Team of our Catholic Lay Community, the Light of Jesus Family. Then someone suggested that I ask the help of St. Therese of the Child Jesus. She would send a rose as a sign that our petition is answered.

May 9, 2010. My husband entered our room and handed over a surprise. It was totally unexpected because I was new to their place and hardly talked to anyone in the neighborhood but a neighbor was sweet enough to give a gift. It was a long stemmed red rose given on Mothers’ Day! My heart leaped with joy. This must be a positive sign from St. Therese! But come May 18, I had my period. Our spirits were downcast again. I saw many roses here and there afterwards but I discouraged myself from setting my hopes too high thinking that I was just misreading the signs. I fervently asked God to give us the child we longed for in His own perfect time and without any medication or expensive and painful invasive procedures. I also requested for an uncomplicated pregnancy so I could function normally. At my age of 41, it was like asking for the moon but I believed in the greatness of our God. He manifested miracles so many times in the Bible. Samuel was the fruit of an old infertile lady, Sarah was blessed with a son at 100+ years old. I was practically half the age. Surely, God would not fail me.

June 2010 was a busy month for us. I was part of the team preparing for the special coverage of the president-elect P.Noy’s inauguration. My husband was new in a company and had to work overtime to beat deadlines. We were not able to follow the doctor’s advice to make love every after two days during my fertile period. We had an erratic intercourse because we were both too tired. I promised my husband to work harder at it when I take a leave for 3 months starting July.

Guess what. My period never came just when we least expected it. Exactly on our third year and 6th monthsery on July 27, the pregnancy test showed two lines. The doctor said, “It is strongly positive! Congratulations!” Rod and I could not contain our joy and expressed praises and thanksgiving to God, our Abba Father. Finally, our fervent petition was granted.

August 27, 2010 marked our third year and 7th monthsery but it was somehow overshadowed by the fact that our precious baby turned two months. We listened to its heartbeat on the Dopler instrument. It was the sweet sound of confirmation of the life growing in my womb. Rod and I finally moved out of the frustrating long wait and turned to the page of joyful infanticipation. Our families and friends were all ecstatic. We still have a long way to go but it is with utter humility that we depend on God for our safe full term pregnancy and the eventual delivery of our normal, healthy bouncing baby after 9 months. Indeed, God in His goodness, makes miracles happen even in these modern times. To God be the glory. 

WHY WISELY NEVER WINS

Have you ever wondered why despite the constant reminders to Vote Wisely during election time, we seemingly end up with corrupt leaders? The way things are going, it looks like the culture of commercialism, entertainment and gossip are catching up on us.

Commercial television networks prioritize showbiz gossip and tele-novelas in their primetime grid and place the “intelligent” programs that could teach the public to think in their late night slots when almost everyone is dozing off to dreamland. They send a very clear message that minding other people’s business and gawking on the glitz and glamour of the actors and actresses sporting perfect smiles and bods should be everybody’s priority over pondering about the realities of society and the issues that affect our future. But most of us are so clueless.

It is no wonder a majority of our people go for the candidates presented in the bombardment of glossy ads infused with a heavy dose of emotional appeal to blur our sensibilities. Some would rather seek salvation from the former businessman who claims to grow up in the slums and dared to dream big. They turn a blind eye to the fact that the so-called ex-pauper studied in a private Catholic School and graduated college from a premiere university. Worse, he uses his influence to manipulate stocks to his advantage.

Some would rather believe in the son of two fallen heroes on the pretext that he would protect the honor of his parents and would not dare take the crooked road. Never mind if he wasted people’s taxes by spending most of his time in Congress playing video games and riding off with his colleagues efforts by co-authoring bills just so he could claim he did something. But when the time came to prove his faithfulness to the causes that his parents died for, his courage and sense of justice failed as poor farmers fighting for a decent life were murdered in his very own yard. He did not have the guts to stand up for the truth and defend the helpless on the excuse that he only holds a small share in the family business. Since when did stocks had to do anything with moral responsibility?

Some would rather vote for the intelligent option who happens to be a first cousin of the other candidate and co-owns the infamous hacienda that shed farmers’ blood. Never mind if his sense of loyalty wavered when his political aspirations were jeopardized. He jumped ship to the administration side for the presidential bid even if his own uncle helped groom his career. The tra-pos hailed the bold move only to be disillusioned after he quit the chairmanship of the leading party in answer to the screaming headlines that the anointment of the current president was a curse to his popularity ratings.

Some would rather settle for the gambler and womanizer who had no second thoughts in legalizing massive gambling as an answer to the poor’s lack of livelihood and empty stomachs. Never mind if he was imprisoned for accepting jueteng money, did not take responsibility of the crime and instead, claimed innocence as a victim of political maneuvers.

It does not help at all that the surveys affirm the public’s popular choices downplaying the fact that they merely reflect a very small percentage of the electorate. And of course, were unwilling to reveal who finances the very expensive research procedures and studies. Any businessman in his right mind would not shell out millions of pesos for months on end in the name of public service. Hello!

We, Filipinos have this saying, “Ang taong nakikinig sa sabi-sabi ay walang bait sa sarili.” Translated loosely, it means “a man who believes in hearsay is insane.” We might not be told straight face that we are choosing illusion over reality and voting poorly not Wisely but the great conspiracy of crass commercialism and the culture of gossip are messing with our minds again. The media, advertisers and survey companies are subconsciously dictating on us that the candidates who make their coffers fat are the right choices for us.

It is two days before D-day and majority of us are all set on our presidential choices. It is pretty obvious that Wisely won’t make the charts, leaving our fate to the hands of illusion again… not if Vote Wisely is given a chance in the final stretch. Then and only then are we set to travel the real straight and narrow road to progress and ensure the bright future of our children.

THANKFUL THOUGHTS

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.”
—Philippians 4:4

Years ago, I was a huge fan of Oprah Winfrey. I stayed up late at night just to watch her talk show and tucked nuggets of wisdom with me as I went to bed. One of the lessons I learned from Oprah’s program was keeping a Thank You journal. My diary has since transformed from a record of angst, pessimism and complaints into a list of gratitude, blessings and graces.

At first, it was a challenge to hit the target of at least five things to be thankful for. It was especially hard on a bad day with quarrels at home or misunderstanding with friends or getting trapped with the grouchy supervisor at the office. But the practice of recalling the day’s good events rather than focusing on the bad eventually became second nature.

Surprisingly, the spirit of joy and optimism sprang with the thankful thoughts. My gratitude antenna’s reception grew stronger each day. The positive aspects of people got more pronounced rather than the quirks, sticky situations turned into blessings in disguise, even the routinary jeepney rides became sight-seeing trips. Somehow, counting the reasons to thank the Lord made life lighter and it was easier to find a reason to smile.

I realized that the secret of joy and happiness lay in the simple things: watching a daddy tagging along his little tot at the mall, a group of teenagers having a hearty laugh, the usually rough jeepney driver trying to be polite with the passengers, a guy offering his seat to a pregnant woman in an MRT train, a troubled friend managing to be more concerned about you than his problems, a dedicated and hard-working officemate. Such gestures and characters give a sneak preview of the Lord’s gentleness, love and creativity.

Just yesterday, it was such a bliss passing by the quiet, tree-lined Plant Industry Street. I love the peace and quiet of the place. It seems to hold new surprises as I walk in that neighbourhood to work everyday and ask the Lord to make me feel His presence. I have yet to develop the art of listening to God’s voice but on second thoughts, He actually communicates with me in a different manner. He knows I’m a visual person and He gives me joy by opening my eyes to his beautiful creations: the forested area made magical by the sun’s rays seeping through the canopy of trees, a litter of native puppies peeping curiously from behind a half-opened gate, one of them having the courage to trail behind me, a furry white canine wagging his tail and trying to be friendly then barking furiously to put a brave front as a guard dog.

Coming home from work, I find my mother-in-law enjoying the tabloid puzzles before dozing off, our househelps’ warm welcoming smiles and the long chat and giggles with my husband before snuggling up to dreamland. Truly, life is a bundle of blessings especially when we downplay the dark side and choose to see the beauty around us. Have a happy day always. 

TOUGH TRIALS

“Jesus Christ came not to remove our sufferings but to give meaning to our sacrifices… We must embrace our cross.” Yesterday, I was struck by Fr. Alex Balatbat’s words during mass at the Feast, the Light of Jesus Community Sunday Catholic get-together, at the Valle Verde Country Club in Pasig City.

Indeed being a Christian does not guarantee fool-proof protection against tough trials and difficult people. Almost a year ago, my husband was offered “forced” retrenchment because his manager was bent on kicking him out of the company with the threat of filing one case after the other. This, despite being one of the top collectors of his team.

Just a few weeks ago, a brother from the young couples group was sacked unceremoniously from his work and had to consult a lawyer to face the accusations hurled against him. Thankfully, by God’s grace the company cleared him from all the allegations.

I, too, was short-changed. At her whim, the boss deducted a certain amount from the agreed compensation and turned a deaf ear to my disagreement. This happened when my husband and I were in a financial fix.

It’s one thing to get penalized for neglect and a job done in badly but quite another to receive undeserved punishment for a work done professionally, whole-heartedly and with a clear conscience.

What is a Christian to do in the face of such injustices? Suffer in silence? Stifle brimming anger? Face the offender in a shouting match? Engage in the battle of legal wits and patiently wait for the slow wheels of justice to turn? Just give up without a fight?

Jesus did not think twice as he overturned tables of peddlers in righteous anger for they turned the house of His Father into a market place. He gave frank and honest opinions much to the chagrin of the judgmental Pharisees, Saducees and scribes. They all came together to connive for the greatest injustice of all and crucified the blameless Jesus. Still, with His overwhelming love for mankind, Jesus managed to ask forgiveness from the Father in their behalf “for they know not what they do.”

We may wallow in self-pity and “righteous” anger for all the undeserved pain and sufferings, all the right things may have been said and done and still, the unrepentant offender still goes on seemingly victorious in his wiles. We have but one path to follow. Hard as it is, we must embrace our cross and by the grace of God’s genuine love forgive those who have hurt us. Just as Jesus did.

LESSONS LEARNED

If there is one thing I wish my parents taught me and that I would like to pass on to my children is that life can be unfair. It is understandable that parents get to be too protective of their children so they do not have to stumble over the same mistakes and hurts they went through. Thing is, more often than not, this teaches the child to live in a bubble of illusion which would burst eventually with the harsh realities of life.

I would teach them the values of hard work and honesty but tell them that there would be times that people who shortchange others and kiss the boss’ ass would be rewarded. I would teach them the value of truthfulness but make them realize that some people who cheat and lie may get a better deal in life. I would teach them the value of compassion and love but remind them that sometimes most-trusted friends would betray your trust out of envy or malicious mischief. I would teach them the value of justice but warn them that standng up for the truth could mean standing alone and they themselves could be victims of injustice.

While we all strive to raise our children to grow into good adults and law-abiding citizens, the world teaches them otherwise. It would be good to balance the godly virtues with the realities they have to deal with. With that, they would hopefully end up wise not gullible, be loving adults but not doormats that others would trample on, innocent yet streetwise. In the end, it is the pure of heart that God will reward if not in this short-term world then at least in heavenly eternity. :)

MUSES ON MANKIND

Each day, we wake up to the wonders of nature- magnificent sunrise and sunsets, perfect alignment of planets, the uniqunesss of each human being and so much more. Yet, it is so surprising that some people refuse to attribute all these to the existence of a Supreme Being under the guise of Science. Charles Darwin insists on man’s evolution tracing back to apes. The Big Bang Theory points to a major meteoroligical accident as the beginning of the Universe. What I find amusing is that despite scientists’ insistence on research-backed studies and repetitive measureable methods to prove reality, they seem to be gullible enough to accept such rather absurd explanations.

Mankind has this tendency to complicate things when almost everything is supposed to be simple. They deny the existence of a loving Heavenly Father despite the attestations of the Bible. They dismiss the biblical truths as fiction but Science is slowly proving the existence of the historic events related in the Old and New Testaments. When things turn into a mess, mankind suddenly remembers God and blames him for allowing their children to go berserck and end up in shooting sprees in schools. Accusing fingers point to a Higher Being when war, famine and cancer hit innocent people.

Mankind refuses to accept the responsibility for the abuses of its free will many of which results to the devastation of the environment and mutation of viruses that cause pandemics. I wonder if God gets so exasperated with us. God sent His only Son for us to realize how much He loves us and having a personal relationship with Him would give us true joy. Yet man shuns away from Him. In his pride, he insists he knows better and pursues things which he thinks would make him happy only to realize in the end that everything is in vain. :)