WOES OF WEDLOCK

Wives be submissive to your husbands as it is becoming in the Lord to do (Col. 3:18)

We are as opposite as black and white. As in, literally, Rod likes white, I like black. He likes noise and crowded places while I thrive in peaceful ambience. He likes going to malls, I like the adventures of outdoors. He finds happiness in shopping, I hate spending. My mantra was “why buy if you can borrow? Better save for tomorrow.” But as they say, opposites attract.

We naturally gravitated to each other and eventually tied the knot. And boy was it a tight knot that I wanted to break loose! I heard someone say that whatever you find attractive in a person will be the very same thing that will repel you from him/her. That is so true for me and my husband. I was so convinced that we complimented each other until the time came when our differences got the better of us.

The first year of marriage was really a riot. The concept of the honeymoon stage was completely alien to me. Yes, there was sweetness in our relationship but we always seemed to end up in word wars. Big time.

I was so used to an independent life. Seven years of living on my own got me into the habit of making major decisions without consulting anyone, going anywhere anytime I wanted to. Well, old habits are hard to break and I naturally imported these into our marriage. Of course, it became a major issue for Rod that I did anything big or small without consulting him. On his part, Rod is an only child so used to getting his way and being pampered. While I had a strong feminist leaning, he was bullheaded about being traditional. He expected submissiveness in his wife. Argh! How I detested that word! Submissiveness meant losing my dignity as a woman. I thought that Man and Woman were equal and not master-servant.

Good thing our relationship was built on friendship. We were so comfortable with each others’ skin that we skipped the cutesy-patootsy romance. We were not scared of showing our real selves- the good and bad side and even the scary part of our personalities were totally exposed. With the opposing beliefs we held and the insistence that the other change according to our patterns, the battle of prides ensued. The harsh exchanges blew out of proportions with a barrage of hurting words and ugly accusations.

Thank God and His saving grace, we were able to survive the woes of wedlock in our stormy first year. We found a blessing in family, friends and our Catholic Charismatic Community. There was a time when I really wanted out, pack my stuff and go back home. Mama was more than willing to have me back in her comforting arms but Papa would not have any of it. “Go back to your husband. You belong to him. Work on your marriage,” he insisted. Friends heard me out, cheered me up and gave me the much-needed push so I could pick myself up and trudge along.

The second family we found in the couples chapter of the Light of Jesus Community lovingly reminded us about God’s teaching that the husband is the head of the family and the wife should be submissive and supportive. The husband thrives in respect and the wife in love. It was a bitter pill to swallow but definitely a good medicine for an ailing marriage. The good thing about my husband is his natural openness about his feelings and his firm belief in not letting the sun set on our grudges. It was not long before I was able to get rid of the silent treatments to express my protest and learned to talk. Really talk. We eventually learned to let go of our expectations and accepted each other for who we are. We even got into this beautiful ritual of assessing ourselves and our marriage every time our monthsery comes around. I still have my lapses and so does he but with constant prayer and communication, our second year came as a breeze. Once we recognized that marriage is not about me and my beliefs, love naturally flourished. We still have a long way to go but with the Good Lord on our side, the journey wouldn’t be so hard! :)

FORTIFIED AT 40

"A life devoted to things is a dead life, a stump; a God-shaped life is a flourishing tree." Proverbs 11:38


There must be some truth to the saying that life begins at 40. Today, I am facing the Big 4-0 straight in the eye and taking stock of my life. What have I accomplished so far? What is the bearing of all these earthly achievements in my future?

Looking back, I was quite goal oriented in my uhm… younger years. I wanted to start my career as news reporter as soon as I graduated from college. In fact, I was dead-serious about it that I didn’t bother making friends at the University. I thought that drinking sprees, discos (yes, it wasn’t called bars back then) and night life were a distraction to my plans.

After a short stint with a religious publication for teens, I jumped ship to the government network. Full of idealism, I wanted to serve humanity and the country. Only to realize that the only people we served were the administration politicians. But that’s another story. I didn’t clinch the position I wanted as soon as I wanted. I had to make do as a copywriter thinking that it would be my stepping stone. I was so bullheaded about being a reporter that I got my Masters degree just to gain an edge. The break came after five years with the Creative Unit.

Finally, I had the chance to be a news reporter. Thing is, I realized that it wasn’t as exciting as I expected. While reporters would did anything to get a beat and affirm their status, I got mine when a senior reporter left for a study grant Singapore. I covered the Senate and later the House of Representatives. Hanging out in media offices and waiting for politicians to call for a press conference was not exactly my idea of adventure and service. It was a drag. The glamor and glitz of the dream suddenly fizzled out. After three years of trying it out as a news reporter, I went back to the very job I half-heartedly took before. This time, I was more appreciative.

By the time I hit my 30’s, I got the job I’ve always wanted but left it for my old one, bought a house I could call my own, finished my MA, got no promotion but earned the respect of my colleagues as chairperson for the Union. After accomplishing everything I wanted to do, I was clueless how to go on. My next goal was to get married but my groom was nowhere to be found. (Read: I have been a member of the NBSB Club as in “No Boyfriend Since Birth”). I guess it was out of flattery that got me going steady with a mestizo gwapito. Turned out the guy was a total jerk and I dumped him. Thankfully, God helped me instill a good sense of self that I didn’t have much trouble deciding whether to be a martyr or a virgin for life. I deserved the best. And that’s exactly what I got when God led me to meet my husband. Thank you, Lord. J

Now, I am about to start my 4th decade. That’s close to half a century. Where am I going now? Funny, all the accomplishments don’t seem to matter that much now. What I considered important then has reduced its value to an iota of nothingness. This time, I treasure friendships, relationships and most especially my happy family. Looking back, I truly appreciate God’s grace for healing old hurts and paving the way to a more enjoyable bonding with my parents, siblings and yes, my husband. I still haven’t lost the streak of goal-orientedness but this time the goals are far different from those I had in my 30’s. I aim to be the best wife, daughter and future mother that I could be. This time, I won’t live up to other people’s expectations and the world’s measure of success. My focus would be bringing glory to the Father who gives the ultimate meaning in my life.

To all women in their 40’s out there, enjoy your new life! God bless!

BREATHTAKING BOHOL

Truly, God is matchless in His creations. Visit Bohol and you will see what I mean. I finally got my wish to check out this beautiful province during a business trip.

FIRST STOP: BOHOL BEACH RESORT. No we didn’t take a dip. We had to do an ocular inspection for the program launch the following day. But the beach was breath-takingly beautiful with its powdery white sands glistening and the gently blue waves lapping against it. Perfect for swimming. But then again, I’ll just have to do it in my dreams. The production crew and staff I worked with were not even able to touch the water. Good thing our client was kind enough to give us a tour of Bohol before we got right down to serious work.

SECOND STOP: THE PEACOCK GARDEN LUXURY RESORT AND SPA. No, we did not splurge on a steaming hot bath and a refreshing massage. The posh rest house was too expensive for our taste, ahem! Designed for the A-class, the room rates range from Php 8,000 at the very least and charges up to Php 18,000 for its suites. Of course, we had to make do with the 3-star Metro Center Hotel back in the capital city of Tagbilaran. It wasn’t so bad. At least, we were blessed to have the privilege of stepping into the place for free to gather some footage. They had a cozy dining area with a band providing the ambient sounds. Outdoors is a sprawling garden dotted with white statues so reminiscent of European castles and Berlin parks blending with the gentle sea in the background. There was a pair of peacocks roaming around perhaps to justify the name. The structures though quite European in architecture had a native touch with the richly carved wooden doors and murals - a reflection of the German-Filipino couple who owns the place.

THIRD STOP: THE BACLAYON CHURCH. This is one of the oldest and best preserved Catholic places of worship in Asia. Entering the coral stone Church gives you an eerie feeling of stepping back into the past with its dark and musty interior. Just the thought of it being built by the Jesuits centuries ago in 1727 (that’s 3 centuries and 82 years ago!) really gives me the jitters. Its baroque architecture and richly designed altar are obvious imprints of the Spanish era similar to the old churches of Manila with its golden trimmings and enclaves for statues of different saints. Baclayon is just one of the many old Hispanic churches treasured by Bohol.

But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Those are only the man-made structures that add to Bohol’s rustic con modern amenities. Wait til you see God’s handiwork.

FOURTH STOP: THE CHOCOLATE HILLS. Travelling towards this famous wonder of the world was so enchanting. The long winding road was bounded on both sides by man-made forests of towering mahoganies. The drizzles added to the mystic effect of the 20-minute ride from Baclayon. By the time we got there, fog descended on the hills. It was such a great sight to behold. One can’t help but wonder how in heaven’s name did these mounds of limestone come about in uniform molds differing only in sizes. It was like a giant child scooped mounds of sand and some kind of magic preserved them that way through the centuries. Amazing!

FIFTH STOP: THE TARSIER SANCTUARY. Snuggled in one corner of the road, was a forested area overlooking the Loboc River. There, we found three tarsiers holding tightly to the tree branches. Dubbed as the second to the tiniest primates of the world, they were just as small as my closed fist. They were cute in a weird kind of way with their soft and puffy fur and their innocent wide eyes staring blankly at us. It was so tempting to pet them but we were cautioned not to do so. When distressed, they actually commit suicide by either strangling each other or banging their heads until they die. Of course, I did not want to cause their extinction.

SIXTH STOP: LOBOC CHURCH. By the end of the day, the group was already so weary. The heavy downpour was beginning to sound like a lullaby but we had to take some more footage of Bohol’s “natural wonders”. Set in the background of yet another old church, the world famous Loboc Children’s Choir's high notes and angelic voices soothed the tired travelers’ spirits. I was actually moved to tears by their rendition of Sebastian Bach’s Ave Maria.

LAST STOP: STK RESTAURANT. At last, our tummies growled and we checked out one of the local restos. STK stands for Sugba (broil), Tula (stew), Kilaw (raw). There were six of us and we had our fill of broiled fresh, soft and sweet squid, steaming sour soup (sinigang) with shrimps, crispy lechon kawali and hot rice. The mouth-watering food did not only satisfy our hunger, it definitely made our pockets happy. Considering the number of dishes we ordered, we just shelled out Php 200 per head. Not bad eh?

Indeed, time flies when you’re having fun. Maybe one of these days, my husband and I could go back to this breath-taking place in a more relaxed pace. It’s just an hour away from Manila by plane and we could avail of the promo packages that travel agencies offer at Php 4,000++. There are affordable hotels to check in to and the roads are really good. Bumpy rides to the tourist spots are not a problem. Not bad for wonderful nature trip.

DEATH DEVASTATES

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."
Matthew 5:4

The start of 2009 was quite bad for me. Friends and acquaintances seemed to "disappear" here and there. The active and efficient president of our home owners association had aneurism and died after a week of coma. The sister of our storehelper went under the knife to get the stones out of her gall bladder and hemorrhaged. The long-time househelp of an aunt was found in the bathroom face down after a fatal heart attack. Even my very loyal pet dog, Night, was found cold in the garden.

But what hit me most was the sudden demise of a beloved boss. Everybody loves him. He was so down-to-earth, always ready to help, had a warm toothless smile for everyone he met. He was more of a big daddy than a boss, never pulling his weight around nor bullying anyone just to make people feel his “powerful presence”.

I had the chance to work closely with him in his last out-of-town television coverages. He was the trouble-shooter when the technical dry-run messed up. Ever so attentive, he made sure the engineering crew were billeted comfortably in a decent hotel. He drove for us during the 8-hour road trip to and from the place. He forgot to assign a driver for that particular assignment and he gamely took over the wheel. We were like one big happy family on a grand vacation sharing jokes and laughter. During meal times, we kidded him as he had a hard time chewing his food without his dentures. A few days after, the news of his stroke and eventual death shook me to the very core.

With all these deaths happening in the span of less than a month, I suddenly found myself quite panicky deep inside. I called up my parents and checked on them every now and then, I bugged my husband to take care of his health and exercise more. I even started kissing and hugging my mom-in-law. I was scared that I could lose them any moment and I won’t know how to handle it.

Thanks to our Heavenly Father’s comforting words and presence, I finally got hold of myself and realized the one important truth that we keep forgetting in the midst of the world’s distractions and busy-ness. LOVE.

Yes, the death of someone dear to us really hurts but there is always a blessing even in the midst of pain. Suffering makes you feel how it is to be human. After going through the sorrow of losing someone, we learn to love and accept people more no matter how difficult they may be at times.

The old saying holds true for me now: treat every day as if it were your last. Life is too short to focus on anger, worries and grudges. Make the best out of your waking hours. Cherish every wonderful moment. Be on the lookout for every beautiful scene and event unfolding around you- children playing, people laughing, the warm sunshine touching your skin, the cool wind brushing your face, old couples holding hands, smiles of strangers... Grab every opportunity to kiss and embrace your spouse, family and friends. Show kindness to everybody like there’s no tomorrow. You never know when their time is up here on earth. Even you may be gone tomorrow. Yes, LOVE as if it were your last.