WOES OF WEDLOCK

Wives be submissive to your husbands as it is becoming in the Lord to do (Col. 3:18)

We are as opposite as black and white. As in, literally, Rod likes white, I like black. He likes noise and crowded places while I thrive in peaceful ambience. He likes going to malls, I like the adventures of outdoors. He finds happiness in shopping, I hate spending. My mantra was “why buy if you can borrow? Better save for tomorrow.” But as they say, opposites attract.

We naturally gravitated to each other and eventually tied the knot. And boy was it a tight knot that I wanted to break loose! I heard someone say that whatever you find attractive in a person will be the very same thing that will repel you from him/her. That is so true for me and my husband. I was so convinced that we complimented each other until the time came when our differences got the better of us.

The first year of marriage was really a riot. The concept of the honeymoon stage was completely alien to me. Yes, there was sweetness in our relationship but we always seemed to end up in word wars. Big time.

I was so used to an independent life. Seven years of living on my own got me into the habit of making major decisions without consulting anyone, going anywhere anytime I wanted to. Well, old habits are hard to break and I naturally imported these into our marriage. Of course, it became a major issue for Rod that I did anything big or small without consulting him. On his part, Rod is an only child so used to getting his way and being pampered. While I had a strong feminist leaning, he was bullheaded about being traditional. He expected submissiveness in his wife. Argh! How I detested that word! Submissiveness meant losing my dignity as a woman. I thought that Man and Woman were equal and not master-servant.

Good thing our relationship was built on friendship. We were so comfortable with each others’ skin that we skipped the cutesy-patootsy romance. We were not scared of showing our real selves- the good and bad side and even the scary part of our personalities were totally exposed. With the opposing beliefs we held and the insistence that the other change according to our patterns, the battle of prides ensued. The harsh exchanges blew out of proportions with a barrage of hurting words and ugly accusations.

Thank God and His saving grace, we were able to survive the woes of wedlock in our stormy first year. We found a blessing in family, friends and our Catholic Charismatic Community. There was a time when I really wanted out, pack my stuff and go back home. Mama was more than willing to have me back in her comforting arms but Papa would not have any of it. “Go back to your husband. You belong to him. Work on your marriage,” he insisted. Friends heard me out, cheered me up and gave me the much-needed push so I could pick myself up and trudge along.

The second family we found in the couples chapter of the Light of Jesus Community lovingly reminded us about God’s teaching that the husband is the head of the family and the wife should be submissive and supportive. The husband thrives in respect and the wife in love. It was a bitter pill to swallow but definitely a good medicine for an ailing marriage. The good thing about my husband is his natural openness about his feelings and his firm belief in not letting the sun set on our grudges. It was not long before I was able to get rid of the silent treatments to express my protest and learned to talk. Really talk. We eventually learned to let go of our expectations and accepted each other for who we are. We even got into this beautiful ritual of assessing ourselves and our marriage every time our monthsery comes around. I still have my lapses and so does he but with constant prayer and communication, our second year came as a breeze. Once we recognized that marriage is not about me and my beliefs, love naturally flourished. We still have a long way to go but with the Good Lord on our side, the journey wouldn’t be so hard! :)